Italian Polite Form: How to Use “Lei” vs “Tu”

How to Say “You” in Italian: Tu vs Lei Explained

Italian, like many other languages, has different forms of address that reflect the level of formality in a given situation. The use of “tu” is informal, and it’s typically used between friends, family members, or close acquaintances.

On the other hand, when addressing people you don’t know well, or in more formal settings, such as a business meeting or a letter to a government official, you would use the subject pronoun “Lei” (and conjugate the verb in the third person singular) as a sign of respect. This form is considered more formal and polite, and it shows that you are mindful of the social norms and expectations of the situation.

So, in general, choosing the right form of address and verb conjugation is an important aspect of communicating effectively in Italian, and it can convey a lot about the relationship between the speakers and the level of formality in the interaction.

Examples

Informal vs. Formal You

The choice between “tu” and “Lei” reflects the level of familiarity and formality in the relationship between the speakers.

Tu = you informal

“Tu” is used in informal and familiar contexts, for example if you addressing a child, a colleague, or a schoolmate. In general, someone you’re familiar with or somebody who is much younger than you.  Also, we use tu to speak to one person. If we are addressing two or more people, we will switch to the subject pronoun voi. 

Lei = you formal

“Lei” is used in more formal and respectful situations. Generally older people or people with a title like Signor Giorgi, Signora Carli, Dottor Rossi, Avvocata Gialli, etc. or people we meet in formal settings (university professor, doctor’s appointment, an appointment with a real estate agent, etc..)

Addressing people formally, in the plural 

Voi and Loro

It’s also important to note that “voi” is the plural form of “tu” and is used when addressing two or more people in an informal setting. In a formal setting, the third person plural pronoun “Loro” should be used instead. However, the use of “loro” as a formal form of address has declined in recent years and is not as common as it once was. Therefore, it’s naturally to use “voi” both in formal and informal situations. 

Italian vs. English 

English does not mark this difference in terms of subject pronouns or conjugations.

While there is only one way to address someone in English, regardless of whether the situation is formal or informal, we ask the same questions in two different ways in Italian, depending on whether the conversation is formal or informal, as shown in the following table.

Formal “You” vs “She” in Italian

In Italian, the word Lei can have two different meanings depending on the context:

• Lei with a capital letter is the formal way to say “you”
• lei with a lowercase letter means she, the third-person feminine pronoun

Although they are spelled the same, they serve different purposes and should not be confused.

Examples:

When Lei is used as the formal version of “you”, the verb is always conjugated in the third person singular, just like for he or she.

What does “dare del tu” mean?

In some situations, a conversation that starts formally can become more relaxed. You may hear someone say:

• Possiamo darci del tu
• Puoi darmi del tu

These expressions show a willingness to move from a formal to an informal tone. It’s a way of suggesting that both speakers can use tu instead of Lei.

• Dare del tu means using the informal subject pronoun tu
• Dare del Lei means using the formal subject pronoun Lei

People usually switch from Lei to tu when the environment becomes friendly or casual.

Note: Lei (formal you) is used for both men and women. It is often capitalized to distinguish it from lei (she), though capitalizing it is not required.

When to Use the Polite Form in Italian

It is generally expected to use Lei in formal settings, but what counts as formal can be hard to judge for learners of Italian. Here are some common situations in Italy where using the polite form is appropriate:

• At a job interview

• At the government office

• At a restaurant (especially a formal one)

• At the post office or the bank

• When meeting your in-laws for the first time

• When speaking to seniors or older people

• When talking to a salesperson (especially if they are older or in a formal setting)

• In a bakery or pastry shop

• With doctors, lawyers, police officers, and other professionals

• During a meeting with a real estate agent

Formal and Informal Italian Greetings

The way you greet someone in Italian also reflects the level of formality.

• Ciao is informal and used with friends, family, or people you know well.
• In formal settings, use Buongiorno (good morning) or Buonasera (good evening), depending on the time of day.

When saying goodbye:

• Use Ciao in informal situations
• Use Arrivederci when the setting is formal or respectful

Exercise: Change from “tu” to “Lei”